Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
