you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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