i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
