Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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