my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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