I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
