So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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