the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
