Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
