Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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