We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
