You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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