I faked an abortion last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
