hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
