dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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