either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
