Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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