feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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