anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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