I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cut my penus on the lid.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
