Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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