So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
