Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
