I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
