you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
