Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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