I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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