I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I color on your dick again?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
