Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
