any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
