That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
