Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm drive I can fine osifer
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
