Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
