How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
