so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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