last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
