The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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