I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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