it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
