you guys were way drunker than both of me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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