we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I color on your dick again?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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