I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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