chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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