The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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