I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
