Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
