if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
