the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
