the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
