Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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